It began at the morning meeting. We all sat down with our cups of coffee, and there in the center of the table is the pink box! You know the one I am talking about. It is the Pandora's box for every dieter. That is right! It is the box filled with the jellies, the glazed, the powdered, the smothered in chocolate, and where am I? Every sense going off in my head...even the napkins smell like those pudgy little pastries, and I am sitting there trying to practice the ancient art of self-control. In fact this is taking all of my best dieting ninja skills. Every inch of me is calling on years of my diet training. I see my bosses lips moving....something about company policy, and all I can think of is don't look at the box, don't look at the box. Then that voice inside me that says surely one little bite, one little piece won't hurt. Immediately flash backs to the garden of Eden race through my mind. Well, just because Eve couldn't resist that first piece of food doesn't mean I am going to make the same mistake.
I sip my coffee and refocus. I can't help but think, man what is wrong with me. I am usually really good about avoiding sugar and sweets, and then it hits me this is stage 1 of my sugar addiction. That is right. I let loose at the wedding. Ate everything that was available, which was all covered in the prettiest most amazing icings ever, and in one fun and blissful weekend my body has convinced itself that it needs and MUST HAVE SUGAR!
When I really set my mind to losing weight I started doing research. I read everything I could, and I started experimenting with my own body. Sugar is a chemical. I am not talking about natural sugars, such as what God put in your food. I talking about that ooey gooey filling that makes up this jelly donut. It is white; it is manufactured; it is in every product you buy, and trust me if it was good for you, you wouldn't miss it so much when it isn't a main part of your diet.
My first course of action, I had to change the ingredients in my filling. Everyone hates this step. Including me. I am the most horrible woman to be around. I love my sugar. My body tells me I need it. In fact when I eat it, I don't feel nearly as lonely. My brain even signals to my heart the same feeling when someone hugs me. When I am hurt and just want to cry, I stuff my face with it and it listens to all my hurts and frustrations. Just reading this you see the problem. Well this is just the emotional addiction.
Let me take a moment to talk about the physical effects sugar has on me. Sugar causes me to retain water. I have a severe mold allergy that sugar reacts with and makes worse. It throws off the natural balance in my body. In fact when I eat too much of it, I itch from the inside out. My skin feels like it is crawling. I crave it. I crave sweet and salty. When I eat sugar and simple carbohydrates, my body immediately begins dumping insulin. It does it quickly, and I feel the drop immediately. The only way I can combat that is to eat something fatty, which is why I can not eat pancakes in the morning. I need to have a days worth of protein to be able to stabilize my body when I eat those foods.
You may be wondering how I figured this out. I removed sugar from my diet. This is always my first step, and I am sooo grumpy and hungry when I do. So instead of eating sugar I eat protein. Nuts, cheese, meat. I don't worry about the fat or the quantity. Watching cholesterol, fat, and portions comes later. Right now my mission is to get past the cravings. After the cravings subsided which takes me about 2 to 3 days I feel better. I'm thinking straight again. My focus goes back to where it should.
The truth is that my filling is what counts the most. If you are a Christian, then you probably saw immediately where I made the wrong turn. I filled myself with sugar and created an ooey gooey mess instead of filling myself with the Holy Spirit. I lost perspective. Too often we forget, and we push God to this level where there isn't an intimate relationship. Maybe it is our sinful nature we are allowing to seperate us from a God who wants to be at eye level and not somewhere floating above. Whatever the reason, when we fill our hearts with things God has to say instead of the garbage society tells us we are transformed.
So often we equate what others say about us or what even say to ourselves, with our interpretation of what God thinks. The truth is we are not farther from the truth. "Before (We) were formed (He) knew us. Before (We) were born (He) set us apart" Jer 1:5. Remember you are "Fearfully and wonderfully made" Ps 139:14. He knew and loved us before we ate the entire box of donuts or the half gallon of ice cream ( no, I am not kidding. I was bad!)
Let's not forget who we are. "We are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ" (Rom 8:17) to the most powerful kingdom known to us. We are not just princes and princesses. We are kings and queens. When we filled our hearts and opened that door to Christ we became "like a lily among thorns...among the maidens" (Song of Songs 2:2). Don't fool yourself in to thinking you are just a normal girl. You are so much more! No matter what shape! In fact you are so much more loved than every normal girl out there, and it is because the main ingredient in your filling is the Holy Spirit!
So today ladies, Today the Donut, Tomorrow the World! You Rock!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
I Hate it when Skinny Girls Tell Me How to Lose Weight
As much as I wish that the woman who can eat anything, doesn't have to exercise, and still looks like a supermodel was an urban legend I hate to tell you that she exists. When I was overweight and really struggling with my eating demons, it seemed that I encountered her more often. If you are reading this and you are struggling with your weight and all that lovely recipe involves: self-esteem, self-worth, body image, looming thoughts of failure, frustration over the dream of the body and the food freedom skinny people seem to enjoy, you are right here with me. Did you ever notice these women have really stupid diets? Diets not a way of life. I tried them all....you know what I am talking about: Start Monday and drop 15lbs by Wednessday stuff. I tried the cabbage soup, the cottage cheese and tuna (which is how I figured out I don't just hate fish, I am allergic to it....nice rash!!!), the grapefruits, the eat whatever you want just don't eat after 7....etc. None of these crazy ideas worked for me.
So here is what I have to say to all of the skinny know-it-alls who tell me how to eat and exercise, "Unless you have walked in my fat-girl jeans, or the only sexy dress you could find involved enough fabric to create a small tent city for a refugee camp, keep it to yourself! " I may not be 256 lbs anymore, but I still hear it. I still have people give me advice, and as much as I want to quip back "look I lost the last 136 lbs without you, I got this covered," I keep it to myself.
But I know you are still wondering "how, how did you lose it?" I am not going to be that skinny girl who is going to tell you what to eat and roll out a menu for you, not unless you ask. If you want me to create a menu for you, write me and I will do that, but this is step 1.
Step 1: Go stand in front of that mirror right now!!! Look at yourself, and say I am beautiful. My heart is more beautiful than the most beautiful runway model body. I am going to be healthy. I am not going to give in to stress and that carb binge I have planned at 430 when I bottom out of energy, focus, and sanity. This is where it starts. Weight loss starts in the mind! It begins with your heart. This is your first battlefield and victory is only accomplished through consistent performance. Think and act like you are already at your weight goal. When you stop respecting that boundary you keep telling yourself you have and you cross those limits, you are one step closer to the You you want to be!
Even now at 120, I didn't get the body I thought I was going to have. I have loose skin all over, but I have a healthy heart and strong body. A smile that makes every guy's heart melt. But you are still going to see me in a bikini at the beach this summer, and for all of those people who roll their eyes and say "how can she wear that", I figure they can always turn away. Sexy is an attitude not just a style or body type. Healthy is a frame of mind that will take over your body and fill every cell of your body. Be that skinny Diva you want to be!
Everyday I tell myself, I am beautiful, I am made and loved by an awesome God. God has already established my value and worth not the skinny people in this world. I am healthy, I am an athlete, when I am hungry I am going to eat protein and vegetables, when I am tired I am going to grab an apple and not have that mindless carb binge that I am going to feel guilty about when I come to my senses. I am a thin person and the way I look and feel is only going to get better.
Determination and right thinking is a choice. It is a battle. You want a place to start....start with that inner dialogue that you are feeding yourself. My mother always said, "Garbage in Garbage out". If you fill your mind with negative or depressing thoughts, it will ooze out of every area in your life. I have yet to meet a jelly donut that doesn't leak. Have you noticed that? How do you tell what type of filling is in that donut? You look at what color is drippingout the side. Every day I decide not to be a donut. I decide to not be food. I decide to be that butterfly who went from the catepillar that ate everything in sight to soaring and flitting in the wind enjoying all the beautiful things life has to offer.
So here is what I have to say to all of the skinny know-it-alls who tell me how to eat and exercise, "Unless you have walked in my fat-girl jeans, or the only sexy dress you could find involved enough fabric to create a small tent city for a refugee camp, keep it to yourself! " I may not be 256 lbs anymore, but I still hear it. I still have people give me advice, and as much as I want to quip back "look I lost the last 136 lbs without you, I got this covered," I keep it to myself.
But I know you are still wondering "how, how did you lose it?" I am not going to be that skinny girl who is going to tell you what to eat and roll out a menu for you, not unless you ask. If you want me to create a menu for you, write me and I will do that, but this is step 1.
Step 1: Go stand in front of that mirror right now!!! Look at yourself, and say I am beautiful. My heart is more beautiful than the most beautiful runway model body. I am going to be healthy. I am not going to give in to stress and that carb binge I have planned at 430 when I bottom out of energy, focus, and sanity. This is where it starts. Weight loss starts in the mind! It begins with your heart. This is your first battlefield and victory is only accomplished through consistent performance. Think and act like you are already at your weight goal. When you stop respecting that boundary you keep telling yourself you have and you cross those limits, you are one step closer to the You you want to be!
Even now at 120, I didn't get the body I thought I was going to have. I have loose skin all over, but I have a healthy heart and strong body. A smile that makes every guy's heart melt. But you are still going to see me in a bikini at the beach this summer, and for all of those people who roll their eyes and say "how can she wear that", I figure they can always turn away. Sexy is an attitude not just a style or body type. Healthy is a frame of mind that will take over your body and fill every cell of your body. Be that skinny Diva you want to be!
Everyday I tell myself, I am beautiful, I am made and loved by an awesome God. God has already established my value and worth not the skinny people in this world. I am healthy, I am an athlete, when I am hungry I am going to eat protein and vegetables, when I am tired I am going to grab an apple and not have that mindless carb binge that I am going to feel guilty about when I come to my senses. I am a thin person and the way I look and feel is only going to get better.
Determination and right thinking is a choice. It is a battle. You want a place to start....start with that inner dialogue that you are feeding yourself. My mother always said, "Garbage in Garbage out". If you fill your mind with negative or depressing thoughts, it will ooze out of every area in your life. I have yet to meet a jelly donut that doesn't leak. Have you noticed that? How do you tell what type of filling is in that donut? You look at what color is drippingout the side. Every day I decide not to be a donut. I decide to not be food. I decide to be that butterfly who went from the catepillar that ate everything in sight to soaring and flitting in the wind enjoying all the beautiful things life has to offer.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Welcome
Welcome to all of my readers,
My name is Haley, and not too long ago I weighed 256lbs. Today I am a healthy weight of 120lbs, but getting here wasn't easy. Each day I have people ask me how I did it, so I decided to start this blog to help other emotional eaters like me overcome their addiction and reach their weight loss goals. I relate my journey to that of a jelly donut because I had to face the gooey mess on the inside in order to transform myself on the outside. I really hope you find some answers and comfort to your weight loss questions. I am just a normal person like you! If I can lose 136lbs through diet and exercise you can too! These are the things that worked for me, and I know they will work for you!!!
My name is Haley, and not too long ago I weighed 256lbs. Today I am a healthy weight of 120lbs, but getting here wasn't easy. Each day I have people ask me how I did it, so I decided to start this blog to help other emotional eaters like me overcome their addiction and reach their weight loss goals. I relate my journey to that of a jelly donut because I had to face the gooey mess on the inside in order to transform myself on the outside. I really hope you find some answers and comfort to your weight loss questions. I am just a normal person like you! If I can lose 136lbs through diet and exercise you can too! These are the things that worked for me, and I know they will work for you!!!
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